Being helpful in the loss of a friend

It happens often.

We ask a coworker how they are doing and they say, “My best friend just died.”

We say, “I’m sorry” and then we start asking questions about their friend. Or we’re not sure what to say.

You and I use words to offer help in really hard times. We do things that we think are helpful.

But are we as helpful as we think? Could we be more helpful, all of us, as we seek to comfort other people?

I have been trying to answer that question for a long time. In addition to being a hospital chaplain at a Level II trauma center, I have a PhD in Rhetorical Theory (communication), have worked in churches and in higher education, and am a senior consultant with Arbor Research Group. I am always looking for the most helpful words.

To learn more about being helpful, I am, with the support of Arbor Research Group, working on a research project called “Being helpful in times of loss.”

This is the second survey in that project to learn more about how to be helpful when someone loses a friend.

A friend, for purposes of this project, is someone that you have interacted with regularly, though not necessarily in person. A friend is not someone who is defined by a social media category. It is someone where each of you would describe the other as a friend.

This survey asks you to choose one friend that you have lost and answer some questions about the loss and how you were or weren’t supported.

If you have a loss that is recent, you don’t have to go on in this survey.

If you aren’t comfortable being reminded about a loss, you don’t have to go on in this survey.

If you don't have the loss of a friend that stands out, you don't have to go on in this survey.

If you are comfortable thinking about that loss and able to answer some questions, those answers will be helpful in building a foundation for this project to help us help people navigating this challenging situation.

If you say “No,” you’ll be redirected to a page of grief resources.
If you say “Yes,” we’ll move into the survey.

Thank you.

Jon Swanson, PhD
SocialMediaChaplain.com

Having read and understood the purpose and nature of the survey: *This question is required.