Challenge and Replace Self-Defeating Thoughts
Now that you have had
practice with recognizing and noticing self-defeating thoughts, the next steps are to
challenge the validity of those thoughts and
replace them with thoughts that are helpful. Before we begin, it is important to note that you are being asked to let go of a type of thinking that is not helpful. However, we are not asking you to replace that type of thinking with thoughts that are unrealistically positive or that are a distortion of reality in the opposite direction. For example, you are not expected to change "I can't stand my life." to "Oh, this is nothing, I am wonderfully happy". Rather, you will be asked to find the
weaknesses and
distortions in your thoughts and
replace them with thoughts that are accurate and helpful. Some people find this activity to be challenging because self-defeating thinking can seem so real, even when it is unfairly distorted against you. A friend or family member who knows you well may be able to help if you would like to request some of their ideas for the exercise.
Let's begin by learning how to challenge depressive thoughts.
Challenge Your Thoughts
You do not have to be a victim of your self-defeating thoughts. When you notice a self-defeating thought, it is often helpful to ask yourself the following questions:
- What is the evidence that this thought is true? Most thoughts have an element of truth. It is important to recognize the validity of the difficulties you face, but this is just one side of the story, as you will see in the next question.
- What is the evidence that this thought is NOT true? Self-defeating thoughts often contain extreme and distressing themes that are a distortion of reality. By identifying what is not true, you will be better able to generate solutions to the actual problems that you face.
- Does believing this thought offer hope or promise for the future? Does the thought suggest any answers to your problems, increase your mood, motivate you, help you to take a new path, or help you to generate new ideas? If not, what is the point of the thought? You are perfectly free to find alternatives to the thoughts that do not offer hope for your future. You can begin to think of such alternatives by using the question below.
- What are some other ways I can look at my situation? Can I view things from a different angle that will give me a more hopeful, reasonable perspective? How might I think about my situation if I were allowing for better possibilities? It is not necessary to believe my more hopeful thoughts entirely. It is sufficient if I just give it some consideration. Your answers to this question will become your all-important replacement thoughts.
- What positive action can I take? Rather than being passive and helpless, is there something I can do to make my situation a little better? Is there something I can do to stop a problem from getting worse, and to begin to turn things around? What can I do, right now, to start the healing process?
- If I had a good friend in the same situation, who was having the same self-defeating thoughts, what sincere, helpful advice would I offer? What words would I use to truly support my friend? Can I use those same, useful ideas to help myself?