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Relationships - My Partner's Style of Attachment

Relationships - My Partner's Style of Attachment

Styles of Connection in Relationships
Who is it who has asked you to fill out this form? - choose one
For the following questions choose whether the trait described is very untrue of your partner, moderately true, or very true. Think about the overall pattern rather than the specific examples in the description. 
My partner sends mixed signals. *This question is required.My partner seems distant and aloof and yet vulnerable at the same time (which you find irresistible), sometimes calls a lot and other times not at all, says something intimate like, "When we move in together..." but later acts as though you don't have a future as a couple.
My partner values his or her independence greatly. *This question is required.My partner looks down on dependency and "neediness." He or she may say "I need a lot of space" or "My work takes up so much of my time there's no room for anyone serious in my life right now" or "I could never be with someone who isn't completely self sufficient."
My partner devalues you (or previous partners) - even if jokingly. *This question is required.My partner jokes about how lousy you are at reading maps, or how "cute" it is that you are roly-poly, describes someone s/he was once really interested in but after a couple of dates became turned off because of some physical feature, cheated on a past partner.
My partner uses distancing strategies - emotional or physical. *This question is required.My partner had a previous partner for six years, but they lived in separate households, or prefers to go to sleep at home, to use separate blankets or to sleep in a separate bed, prefers to take vacations alone, or leaves plans unclear - when you will meet again, when s/he will move in - or stays a stride ahead of you when walking together.
My partner emphasizes boundaries in the relationship. *This question is required.Your partner makes you feel that "these are MY friends (or family) - keep out" or doesn't want to invite you to his or her place, prefers to spend time at yours.
My partner is mistrustful, feels taken advantage of. *This question is required.Your partner is sure that dates are out to "hitch" him or her into marriage, or fears that a partner will take financial advantage of him or her.
My partner has a rigid view of relationships and uncompromising rules. *This question is required.Your partner has a strong preference for a certain "type" of partner - very good looking, or very thin, or blond, etc - or is certain its best to live in separate houses or to not get married, or makes sweeping statements like "all women/men want such-and-such" or "after you get married or move in together they change on you" or doesn't like talking on the phone even if it is your main way of communicating.
My partner during a disagreement needs to get away or "explodes." *This question is required."You know what forget about it I don't want to talk about it." Or gets up and walks out in a fury.
My partner doesn't make his/her intentions clear - leaves you guessing as to his/her feelings. *This question is required.Stays with you for a long time but doesn't say 'I love you." Talks about going abroad for a year without mentioning where that leaves the two of you.
My partner has difficulty talking about what has been going on between you. *This question is required.Makes you feel uncomfortable for asking where the relationship is headed. When you say something is bothering you responds, "I'm sorry..." without further clarification. Certain topics are off limits.
My partner is reliable and consistent. *This question is required.Phones when h/she says h/she will. Makes plans in advance and follows through. If can't make it gives advance notice, apologizes and specifies an alternate plan. Doesn't go back on promises. If h/she can't keep a promise explains.
My partner makes decisions with me (not unilaterally). *This question is required.Discussed plans, doesn't like to decide without knowing your opinion. Makes plans that take your preferences into account. Doesn't assume h/she knows best.
My partner has a flexible view of relationships. *This question is required.Isn't looking for a particular kind of partner, eg a certain age or appearance. Is open to different arrangements - like moving in together or joint versus separate bank accounts. Doesn't make sweeping statements like "all women/men want such-and-such" or "After you get married or move in together they change on you."
My partner communicates relationship issues well. *This question is required.Makes you feel comfortable when you ask where the relationship stands or how h/she sees your future together (even if the answer isn't to your liking). Tells you something is bothering him or her, doesn't act out or expect you to guess.
My partner can reach compromise during arguments. *This question is required.Does his/her best to understand what is really bothering you and to address the issue. When you have a misunderstanding, is not too busy proving h/she is right to solve the problem.
My partner is not afraid of commitment or dependency. *This question is required.Doesn't worry that you are trying to impinge on his/her territory or freedom. Isn't afraid you or other partners are trying to trap him/her into marriage, get his/her money, etc.
My partner doesn't view relationships as hard work. *This question is required.Doesn't talk about how much compromise and effort a relationship takes. Is open to starting a new relationship when circumstances aren't ideal (eg, when work or study is taking up too much time).
My partner acts in a way so that closeness creates more closeness. *This question is required.After an emotional or revealing conversation, reassures you and is there for you. Doesn't suddenly get cold feet. After being together, tells you how much you mean to him/her (not just how good the sex was).
My partner introduces friends and family early on. *This question is required.Wants to make you part of his/her circle of friends. Might not initiate your meeting his/her family but if you ask to meet them or invite him/her to meet yours, is happy to do so.
My partner naturally expresses feelings for you. *This question is required.Usually tells you early on how h/she feels about you. Uses those words "I love you" generously.
My partner doesn't play games. *This question is required.Doesn't have you guessing or try to make you feel jealous. Doesn't make calculations such as "I already called twice, now it is your turn" or "you waited an entire day to get back to me, now I'll wait a day too."
My partner wants a lot of closeness in the relationship. *This question is required.Agrees to go on join vacations, move in together, or spend all your time together early in the relationship (although might not initiate it). Likes a great deal of physical contact (holding hands, caressing, kissing).
My partner expresses insecurities, worries about rejection. *This question is required.Asks a lot of questions about your past partners to assess where s/he stands in comparison. Tries to see whether you still have feelings for your ex. Tries hard to please you. Fears that you'll stop have feelings toward him/her or will lose sexual interest.
My partner is unhappy when not in a relationship. *This question is required.You can sense that h/she is desperate to find someone even if h/she doesn't say so. Sometimes the date feels like an interview for the "future husband/wife" slot.
My partner plays games to keep your attention/interest. *This question is required.Acts distant and uninterested if you haven't called for a few days. Pretends to be unavailable or busy. Tries to manipulate certain situations to make you more available/interested in him/her.
My partner has difficulty explaining what is bothering him/her. Expects you to guess. *This question is required.Expects you to pick up from subtle cues that h/she is upset (if that doesn't work acts out).
My partner acts out instead of trying to resolve problems between you. *This question is required.Threatens to leave during an argument (but later changes his/her mind). Doesn't express his/her needs but eventually acts upset about an accumulation of hurts.
My partner has a hard time not making things about him/herself in the relationship. *This question is required.If you have to work late when h/she has a party interprets it as "you don't want to meet my friends." If you come home tired and don't want to talk interprets it as "you don't love me anymore."
My partner lets you set the tone of the relationship so as not to get hurt. *This question is required.You all, s/he calls; say you have feelings, s/he says s/he has feelings for you (at least at first). Doesn't want to take chances.
My partner is preoccupied with the relationship. *This question is required.At the end of a date, you go home to sleep, s/he goes home to hash out every detail with friends. When you're not together calls or texts a lot or doesn't call at all and waits for you to call. You can tell that s/he thinks about the relationship a lot.
My partner fears that small acts will ruin the relationship; believes s/he must work hard to keep your interest. *This question is required.Says things like "I called you so many times today. I'm afraid you'll get tired of me." or "I really didn't present myself very well to your family and now your family will hate me."
Type A Score - Avoidant Attachment
Type B Score - Secure Attachment
Type C Score - Anxious Attachment
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